“Human subtlety will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple, or more direct than does Nature, because in her inventions, nothing is lacking and nothing is superfluous.”
–Leonardo da Vinci
As a young man, I believed in raw ambition, brute force, and getting my way no matter what. I felt like in order to persuade, I had to really work hard, I had to conquer, I had to dominate. Well, thankfully, blessedly, we are not young forever. And we have the potential to mature, to learn, and to ripen.
I now understand that I don’t have to be ‘in domination’ but ‘in dominion’. My power doesn’t rely on someone else being disempowered, but it relies on my inner sense of power, an assuredness that can only be obtained by being in dominion.
We’ve all tilted at windmills in our own ways, battling imaginary enemies in fights that are unwinnable (many times that enemy we are battling is ourselves). Why do we do this? Well, because we’ve got certain frames set in place that we either grew up with or which were engrained in us through schooling or society that say, ‘work is hard’ and ‘achievement only comes through struggle’. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
For years I didn’t get that ‘struggling with my weight’ was keeping me stuck. The languaging was setting up a brick wall. Even the term ‘losing’ weight is a metaphorical minefield if you think about it. Who likes to lose? Loss is something we strive to avoid.
What happens when we’re in dominion is that we release the struggle and live in the now. There is absolutely nothing more powerful than being present. My mind isn’t racing ahead thinking, ‘I have to have my way’ or ‘I’ve just got to make this sale’ or ‘I can’t wait for my date on Saturday night’. . . instead, you’re experiencing exactly the moment, whatever that might be. And if that moment is about you selling your product or service to a potential prospect, the best way that moment can be used is in stopping, listening, eliciting, and getting to know exactly what it is that this prospect wants and needs on the deepest level.
It requires intention, attention, and patience. You might not ‘get it’ right away. You might struggle with your future thoughts sneaking back in or get stuck on thinking of times when you didn’t make the sale. Let these thoughts come and go, take a deep breath, and then consciously focus again on exactly what the person you are persuading is telling you.
I will tell you that my life has changed incredibly for the better since I made the conscious decision to be present. Letting go of the struggle to control all possible outcomes and force things has allowed me an inner peace that is indescribable and something I highly recommend. It’s the very essence of elegant self persuasion.
Until Next Time,
Kenrick E. Cleveland